dylan's randy bar

i traipsed over to dylan's candy bar on 60th st & 3rd ave last night, right before the rush hour home, in search of big/giant/oversized sugar products for a themed gift basket. this was my first time to dylan's and it was delightful. for the first five minutes. i snagged a brownie sample, sniffed the unmistakable delight that is freshly shaped rice krispie treats, and let my eyes glaze over in awe at the vivid assortment of gummie bears (they even had orange ones, yum!). giant pez dispensers, charleston chews, pixy stix, fist-sized gumballs (careful, $9.99/lb), peeps, cadbury creme eggs, enormous fortune cookies. they've got what your sweet tooth craves.

and then i smelled it - the smell of kids gone wild. sugar was in the air and sticky fingers ran rampant. a sugar rush through osmosis. i couldn't get away from it. it gave me a stomachache and a toothache at the same time. mucho props to the actresses/actors that while away their days there. genuflect. respect.

o and they had a clip from the soundtrack for the 2001 gem "hedwig and the angry inch" playing on their PA system, along with the usual "i want candy" and "be my honey/sugar/etc" tracks...

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I've got a sweet tooth / for licorice drops and jelly rolls,
Hey sugar daddy / Hansel needs some sugar in his bowl.
I'll lay out fine china on the linen / And polish up the chrome
and if you've got some sugar for me / Sugar Daddy, bring it home.
Black strap molasses / you're my orange blossom honey bear.
And if you've got some sugar for me / Sugar Daddy, bring it home.
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if you've seen "hedwig", you know that this song is entirely inappropriate for the demographic (midwesterner tourists & tween/toddler/tot-age kids) that frequents dylan's candy bar. if you have NOT seen "hedwig", do so RIGHT. NOW. forget work. scoot yourself over to a dvd store/netflix and get your rock opera on. "sugar daddy" has got a lot more than sweets for you, kid.

the unplayed portion of the song:

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Oh the thrill of control, / like the rush of rock and roll,
is the sweetest taste I've known.
So come on, Sugar Daddy, bring it home.
When honey bees go shopping / it's something to be seen.
They swarm to wild flowers / and get nectar for the queen.
And everything you bring me / gets me dripping like a honeycomb
and if you've got some sugar for me, / Sugar Daddy, bring it home.
Oh the thrill of control, / like a Blitzkrieg on the roll,
is the sweetest taste I've known.
So if you've got some sugar bring it home.
Oh come on, Sugar Daddy, bring it home!
Whiskey and French cigarettes, / a motorbike with high-speed jets,
a Waterpik, a Cuisinart / and a hypo-allergenic dog.
I want all the luxuries of the modern age,
and every item on every page / in the Lillian Vernon catalogue.
Oh baby, something's crossed my mind / and I was thinking you'd look so fine
in a velvet dress / with heels and an ermine stole.
Oh, Luther darling, heaven knows / I've never put on women's clothes
except for once my mother's camisole.
So you think only a woman / can truly love a man.
Then you buy me the dress / I'll be more woman
than a man like you can stand.
I'll be your Venus on a chocolate clam shell
rising on a sea of marshmallow foam
and if you got some sugar for me, / Sugar Daddy, bring it home.
It's our tradition to control, / like Erich Honecker and Helmut Kohl,
from the Ukraine to the Rhone.
Sweet home uber alles,Lord, I'm coming home.
So come on, Sugar Daddy, bring me home.
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